It’s been a while folks.
Oh where to begin….
I sit here before a quietly blinking cursor, and swear I will not curse, myself. Just breathe and begin, there is no wrong answer. My silence here is reflective of my process. I am nothing if not authentic, and I write from a heartfelt space.
Some things have been just too personal, too painful, too hard to write here. I have always strove to share the journey on these pages, but preserve a sense of our own privacy at the same time.
I am a very private person, and it can be shocking to run into people who intimate so deeply over the words that have been written, and just as shocking that some have chosen to twist them round and use them as a personal attack.
My soul has wept.
I have been reflective moon like silver shimmer shining inward. Feeling deeply.
Looking within. Examining microscopic my thoughts, actions, and the whole ecology of my life.
Have I made the right decisions? You know, the hard ones, the choices that cut deep into blood and marrow, leaving bloody trails right behind. Truth uncovered.
And scar tissue. War weary wounds that sooner than later make the fight so much less appealing. Too hard to go on. Too tired to fight the good fight anymore.
At least not the same way as you used to.
Life has been changing with warp speed. Sometimes it’s hard to hang onto the comet’s tail as the cosmos spins past lightning speed.
It’s easy to see your failings. It easy to count all the falling as loss. It’s not so easy to keep pulling your feet underneath you to journey on.
But journey I do.
A sojourner without a path. A tender heart holding strong, steadfast, entrenched in unshakable faith. Letting go of all, in hope of finding more.
I have come a long, long way dear friends, since we have visited last. I have written snippets here and there, but most of my writing has been tear streaked ink, old school, journal pages wrinkled under time and pressure, between my heart and God.
Climbing mountain hard, muscles screaming, sweat pouring, heart melting, mind imploding, spirit breaking free.
I have climbed mountains. Both literally and physically, as well as metaphorically. Oh, the range I have conquered in the soul’s journey.
I got this.
I can do hard things.
I have found beauty at the peak, when you think you cannot make it there.
I have found light breaking majestic at the top of the climb, unspeakable mind exploding beauty, right when your knee shaking, pulse racing body may betray you, and you think you cannot go on.
Yet, there it is, right where you break, shining glory bringing you to your knees, surrendering all, knowing you are on the right dusty path, just keep going.
Keep chasing the beauty, the light.
Through the sweat stained, tear streaked release, the light surrounding insists on the light within to refract a thousand times, no a million, no more than that, more than we can fathom, refracting, dividing, exploding into the cosmos–
Starlight within to guide your way on.
Trust that you, just. stay. the. course.
Stepping from one star to the next, a path constellation like in it’s forming. Creating an outline, a guide, an internal cosmic star map to follow, one shining light at a time.
I am here to remind you friends, sometimes there is no beacon, no neon flashing arrow pointing the way. Only the internal, eternal starlit compass pointing you on.
Calling you quiet, leaning in, asking. Calling back heart pieces broken away. Asking you to remember you wholeness. A rounding out of jagged edges torn away. Readying for more.
I stand before you, peeled away raw, letting go of lifetimes of layers to reveal tender new.
Standing in sunlight radiant washed by oceans of salt-kissed tears.
Standing in truth, raw beauty.
I will not doubt when I cannot find my way.
I look up.
I look in.
Remembering wholeness and love bigger than the cosmos that shines starlight refracting internal, pulsing through blood and bone.
This is bigger than me and you.
It is love that encompasses, embraces, love that is wholeness, darkness, fire, beauty, starlight, cosmic, universal, bigger, brighter.
Love that is found within.
Love that sees all and nothing.
Love that seeks nothing, yet holds everything.
Reminding us that our life is rooted in creative design. Held in nature’s pattern spiraling through.
Moving tidal, ebb and flow, the journey of the moon is mine.
No matter your journey.
No matter your mountain.
Someone is waiting for you to step onto the path and remember your wholeness, your sacred, your truth.
We all need you and your journey.
You need you and your journey.
Do not doubt when you cannot find your way.
And as starlight drips from fingertips trailing behind comet-like, my friends,